Letting Go
by ponygirl72
Summary: 9th Doctor, Rose. A companion piece to the story "Looking Inside". The Doctor returns a favor.


_Author's Note: This is a companion piece to "Looking Inside" and probably won't make a whole lot of sense unless you read that one first. I am still reeling in amazement that my premise hasn't been completely deep-sixed by canon (yet). So, I'm pushing my luck a bit further with this one, to tide us over until the cliffhanger is resolved next week. _

**Letting Go **

Rose tossed and turned on the bed in her room in the TARDIS, moaning softly as she struggled against the twisted sheets. It was the old nightmare, the one she'd had ever since her Dad died of a brain aneurysm when she was a little girl, but her unconscious mind had added aspects of the last few days and woven the new strands in with the familiar tapestry of death and abandonment.

_"Don't leave me," begged her mother, tears running down her cheeks, but Rose kept packing her bag. She had to go._

_As she left the apartment block, Mickey stepped out and grabbed her arm, stopping her._

_"Don't go with him. The Doctor can't offer you anything but death and destruction. Stay here with me."_

_Rose only shook her head, kissed him softly on the cheek, and continued on._

_A car was waiting for her around the corner. She got in and the driver took her to 10 Downing Street, where she was greeted as an important person, and escorted into a room filled with MP's and upper level military personnel. She moved around the room, searching for the Doctor, but he was nowhere to be found. Feeling suddenly nervous, she began to open doors and peer into the adjoining rooms, looking for him. The fifth door she tried led only to a small cupboard, but she opened it anyway, and jumped back with a gasp as a tall body fell out and landed at her feet with a thump._

_The Doctor stared up at her sightlessly, a trail of red tears leaking from his bloodshot left eye to drip onto the collar of his battered leather jacket. The childhood terror and helplessness flooded her chest and throat._

_"No..." she gasped and backed away, turning and fleeing back to the conference room filled with politicians and bigwigs._

_"Help me! I need help!" she cried as she burst into the room, only to skid to a halt as she was confronted with a score of bodies in tailored suits and crisp uniforms, sprawled on the floor and in chairs, many still clutching important documents._

_"Oh, god..."_

_Rose's heart pounded in her chest as if trying to break loose. She ran through the hallways, sidestepping collapsed guards and secretaries. Bursting through the main doors, she was confronted by a post-apocalyptic vision. Cars and buses sat slewed across the roadway, smoke pouring from some that were crumpled together, drivers slumped over their steering wheels. Pedestrians and cyclists littered the walkways. It was completely, unnaturally quiet._

_As it always did in the dream, a horrible thought wormed its way into the front of her mind._

_"Mum..."_

_Rose ran._

_For miles and miles she stumbled through the horrid dreamscape, not sure if she was getting anywhere or not until, after an eternity of terror, the familiar complex swam into view. On rubbery legs, she struggled up the staircase towards her Mum's apartment, only to trip and fall practically on top of another corpse._

_Mickey's dead, angry face glared at her accusingly, and she screamed._

_Scrambling away, she lunged up the remaining stairs and practically fell through the door into the flat._

_"MUM!" she shrieked, sobbing with the certainty of what she would find, compelled to look even though she didn't want to see._

_Her mother sat slumped at her vanity, the shards of her broken makeup mirror reflecting the bloody tears on her left cheek._

_With an inarticulate noise of pain, Rose backed out of the room until she bumped into the hallway wall, then slid down and curled up around herself, rocking back and forth rhythmically. Tears flowed freely down her face._

"Rose?"

_A male voice penetrated her pain and despair. _

"Rose!"

_She looked up, towards the living room._

_"D-Dad?" she quavered uncertainly, rising unsteadily and moving down the hallway. A dark-haired man was seated in the easy chair, facing away from her_.

"Rose, you're dreaming. You need to wake up now."

_"Oh, god, Daddy, is that you?"_

_The man rose slowly from the chair and turned, smiling at her. It was her father, his half-remembered features distorted by time and death, the cold flesh hanging loosely from his long-dead skull._

_Rose screamed, and screamed, and screamed._

Still screaming, the young woman bolted upright in bed, only to be caught and held by a pair of strong, masculine arms.

"Shush, now," rumbled a low voice.

Her heart was still pounding with fear as she sat, caught between the dream and the waking world, the darkness around her offering no clues to her surroundings.

"Dad?" she asked softly.

The arms holding her stiffened, hands moving to her shoulders to ease her back a few inches.

"Oi! Not hardly..." The Doctor's northern accent managed to convey both concern and offense, snapping Rose immediately back to reality... or at least what passed for it these days. Mortification flooded her as she scrubbed at the tears on her face.

"Sorry... oh, god, that _was_ domestic, wasn't it?" she said as a blush spread across her face.

A smile tugged at the corners of the Doctor's mouth.

"Nah. I'll let it slide this one time. Besides, it could've been worse... if you'd called me 'Mickey' I'd have been forced to dump you off at the next stop."

The tension broken, Rose snorted derisively at him, an answering smile on her face as he released her shoulders.

Sitting back against the headboard, she sobered.

"No offense, but, er, what are you doing in here, anyway?" she asked tentatively.

Looking a bit surprised that she had to ask, he told her, "Rose, you were making such a ruckus that I could hear it down the hall. It didn't take a genius to figure out you were having a nightmare, and I didn't want you to wake up alone."

Tears welled up, and she swallowed them back ruthlessly as she remembered her first night in the time ship, when she had awakened the Doctor from a nightmare about the War that destroyed his planet. She'd told him then about her Dad, and the nightmares she'd had for years afterwards. Obviously, he had been listening.

"Thanks," she said simply, hating the slight quaver she heard. When she was sure her voice was under control, she continued. "I haven't had that dream for almost two years. Must've been the row I had with my Mum before I left. Gah! Family stuff... you've got the right idea, you know-- you're well out of it."

Sensing she had more to say, the Doctor crossed his arms and rested a hip on the corner of the dresser near the bed, settling in.

"Gwyneth said I'd been thinking about my Dad a lot lately. She was an orphan, too, did you know that? She was _so sure_ that her parents were up in Heaven, just waiting to be reunited with her. She told me that maybe my Dad was up there, too, waiting for me."

"But you don't believe that."

Rose shook her head, frustrated. "I don't know. Mum's C of E, she and Dad took me to church sometimes growing up... but even back then none of it seemed... well... _real_. Just a bunch of normal, boring people dressed up in their best clothes trying to feel like they were better than everybody else, like there was something for them to look forward to at the end of their normal, boring lives."

Her eyes grew distant. "Just a couple of months before Dad died, we went on a vacation to the United States, to see the Grand Canyon. We were staying at this funky little motel in the middle of nowhere. The last afternoon we were there, this _huge_ thunderstorm came rolling across the desert. I was playing outside the room, and I watched these massive, black clouds spreading across the sky, with the lightning crackling back and forth, shooting down to the ground, and the thunder crashing through the air.

"The wind picked up, and it was so strong that I could lean into it with my arms spread, and it would hold me up. Mum and Dad were yelling for me to come inside, but I couldn't hear them. Finally Dad ran out and grabbed me, just as the rain started. He had to pull me in to the motel room-- I was so mesmerized by the power and the, well..._ bigness_ outside that I didn't want to come in.

"Sometimes I think that's what happened to Dad, what happens to all of us when we die... we go back to that bigness and become part of it again."

Coming back to herself, Rose glanced up at her audience of one, then looked away shyly.

"I dunno... sounds a bit daft when I say it out loud like that."

The Doctor looked at his young companion with new understanding.

"C'mon. Get dressed and come to the console room. You're awake anyway, and there's something I want you to see," he said, and left her in privacy.

A few minutes later she crossed the threshold and grabbed the door frame for support as the TARDIS landed with a lurch.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"You'll see," the Doctor answered unhelpfully, and handed her a small pill. "Here, swallow this. Anti-radiation pill. It's a bit toasty out there."

With a dubious look, Rose did as she was told, and then joined him at the doors. He ushered her outside and she steeped onto a beach of grainy black sand littered with sharp rocks, barely visible in the dim nightscape. The wind howled eerily, adding to the feeling of desolation.

And then she looked up.

The sky was awash with the power of destruction and creation. The fundamental forces of the universe warred above her head, brilliantly colored nebulae giving birth to violent young suns, so close that it seemed she could reach up and touch them.

Rose gasped and wavered on her feet as her mind reacted to the sight. She was dimly aware of the Doctor's arm around her shoulders, steadying her, but she couldn't tear her eyes from the sight long enough to look at him. Her breath caught in a sob, and cleansing tears flowed down her cheeks, unchecked.

The pair stood there for a very long time, looking up at the universe while the universe looked back down on them.

FIN


End file.
